afterallthistime

After all this time? Always

afterallthistime

image credits to : madsbrain

The title of this blog entry is so famous nowadays, and it really suits to be the title of this blog entry.

I just had a conversation with a very special person earlier, and that what triggers me to write this down.

For starters we always talked online whenever she has free time, in her hands. All the conversations we made are via chat. We only talked over the phone 2 times, the first one is about 2 or 3 years ago and the second time was 1 hour ago.

She was very special to me. Our first conversation I my memory serves me right was not quite good, I was kinda pushy back then asking her question I shouldn’t ask right off the bat. She is very private, she don’t want to be asked about her personal life, but I think she is fond of telling a thing or two about it. It was okay as long as she does the talking and not asking her about it.

Then from that moment on, we became good friends. We always chat whenever there is time. Countless hours, data, characters, words, and emojis are spent. Good times.

We talk about how to shoot photos, covering songs, animes, sketches, basically all the thing that interest us. She even talk about her studies, personal problems and love problems. From that moment on, I told myself “If this girl needs me, I’ll be there.”

Whatever she ask me or needed for advice, I’m always there for her helping her in my own  little ways.

I started to dream.

She was out of my league. I know that from the start. But heck, If you have big dreams, you gotta fight for it right?

But when I am about start to make my own move, there’s always a big bump on the road. She’s into somebody already. It keeps on going on and on and on. The heavens won’t let me reach my simple dream. The train always left me. The ship has sailed and I don’t want to ruin her happiness for the sake of mine. I had to wait for my turn.

Maybe the heavens simply don’t want us to be together.

And someone came to my life and made me happy, I forgot about my dream about her. I was happy.

The everyday chat became weekly, then it became months. We suddenly became strangers again. She went off my radar. Then when I was about to forget about her, she appeared to my radar again and we started talking again. but not like old times, It was very brief and short. It is better than nothing.

Then when all things fall apart, I lost my job, my love life, coming back to my failed attempt abroad, and on my breaking point, She messaged me. A life saving message. It gives me hope.

Every time we talk it gives me courage to go on. face life as it is. She’s a saving grace for me during this dark times.

Then, I learned that she was also suffering. A recent breakup took its toll. She needed someone to talk to. For me it’s a once in a lifetime chance. But what can I do? I’m a failure too. I couldn’t face her now that I’m broken to pieces. All I do is to cheer her up to even though I’m broken.

I think we supported each other even if we don’t talk that very much at all these days. And I’m glad she bounced back fast. And here I am still broken, its alright at least she’s okay.

And then silence again in the airwaves. Back to the good old short and sweet chats.

Then this day arrived, I was watching the final episode of Supernatural season 11 when I get a message from her.

“I was trying to call you in viber.” she said.

“Oh, wait.” I replied.

Then after a long time we talked. God knows how I missed hearing her voice.

I savored every minute that we talk, I love to hear her voice again. its seems like eons passed since I last hear her talk.

Though It’s not like what I expect to hear but it is good to hear from her. 2 or 3 years are not an issue as long as I still have that dream and hopefully it will not stay as a dream.

Am I willing to wait after all this time? Always.

Am I willing help her after all this time? Always

Do I love her after all this time?

 

Definitely Always.

 

 

 

 

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